The 19th Hole
Two gentlemen, Tom and Jimmy, were sitting in the clubhouse enjoying a quiet drink when Tom said excitedly,
“You know I had this amazing dream last night. I dreamt that I played a round of golf with Dustin Johnson, and not only that, I dreamt I beat him”.
“That’s nothing”, replied Jimmy. “I had a dream that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez came around to my place and get this, they both wanted to make mad passionate love to me.”
“Really!” said Tom. “So what happened?”
“Well, I couldn’t make up my mind between them so I sent them both home”, said Jimmy.
“You bloody idiot, you should have called me, I would have helped you out”, said Tom.
“Well I tried to”, said Jimmy. “But you were out playing golf with Dustin Johnson”.
A man and his wife had been playing golf together every weekend for 20 years. This day however the man was playing badly, with his wife beating him by 4 stokes after five holes.
“What’s wrong darling?” she asked “. Your mind does not seem to be on your game today. Is there something that’s concerning you?
The man thought for a moment and said, “Its no use…I’ve been bottling this up inside me for too long…I have to tell you.”
The concerned wife looked at him sympathetically.
“You see,” he said “Just before we were married, I had a brief affair with my secretary. “
“Oh”, said his wife. “I thought there was something bothering you. Never mind, it was a long time ago. Let’s not dwell on the past. It’s okay.”
“That’s a relief, I thought you would be angry at me.”
For the rest of the game the husband played much better but was still beaten by his wife when she sunk a 2 foot putt at the last.
By this time however her mood had changed and she was quite somber.
“Are you okay darling?” said the husband.
“Well not really, “she said. “I have a confession to make too. Before we met I had a sex change. I used to be a man.”
The irate husband flew into a rage. He threw his putter into the bushes, kicked his golf bag over, and screamed in rage.
“You lying, cheating, cow!” he yelled. “And all this time you’ve been playing off the ladies tees”
Two old friends met up for their first ever game of golf together.
One of them noticed that other had a one iron in his bag.
“I see you have a one iron in your bag”, he said.
“Yes,” said his friend. “I carry that above my head if there’s any lightning around. Even God can’t hit a one iron.”
Bohemian Rhapsody golfing parody tribute By the very talented Nigel Tait and his crew
Riding Round on Golf Balls by Bob Brown